I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize