Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
