He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
