I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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