I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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