I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
He did a backflip because drugs
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