hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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