I just pynch a tree in the face
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
