Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Randomize
