1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
