doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
