all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
being pregnant is like rehab
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
