It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
