Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
