Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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