Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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