ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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