you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
