i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
