I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
