Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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