I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
How's work?
Spinning.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
