i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
