Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
