did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
