So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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