is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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