I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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