I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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