is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
