I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
