they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
