my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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