how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
