uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
