I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
