I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
