Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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