I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
