I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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