I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
