Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize