Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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