btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
