i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
