Sry I called you an 8
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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