Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
