my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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