Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
