My friends, they love my intelligence
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I seem to have left my pride at pride
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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