You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
