her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
