Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
