Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
