New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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