you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
