I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
